A micro-managing puppet master, have you ever worked for one? It’s a nightmare. You will never be right. You will rarely be listened to. The nit picking will be never ending. You start to wonder if you should get permission to go to the bathroom. My very first job out of college was for a catering firm run by a micro-managing control freakish Tyrant. The angle of the bread was never quite right, the food portion incorrect, the manner in which we sent orders out was inefficient and any decision I made (did I mention I was the manager?) was misguided. All according to the Tyrant. I left the job after 18 months. I was new to the workforce but I was stressed out beyond repair of cigarettes and alcohol.
I’ve seen many micro-managers since leaving that job, but I’m happy to say, I’ve never worked for another Tyrant. I think I must have radar to spot them when interviewing for a new opportunity. I’ll speak my mind too freely during the interview and somehow I don’t get a call back. Hmmm…“she’s too independent,” “thinks for herself too much,” “that will never do.”
What about looking in the mirror? Are there places and circumstances in your life where you are a bit of a Tyrant? Been a helicopter parent? A controlling friend? A meddling daughter? I think there are parts to everyone’s life where we just can’t let go. My husband micromanages Christmas morning, deliberating who gets what present and when. But hey, it’s once a year. He can be the elf if he wants.
If you want to control the Tyrant within? Here are some suggestions:
1. Listen. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” – Stephen Covey. I might add, “They listen with the intent to be right.” This has Tyrant written all over it. There was a Tyrant colleague of mine who “asked” for guidance and then did the complete opposite. He wasn’t listening. He was paying me lip service. The first step to earning respect is listening to understand.
2. Accountability. In Liz Wiseman’s book Multipliers, she suggests that the manager own 49% of the decision and that the direct report own 51%. This is a beautiful balance. This doesn’t take the person who delegated out of the picture but the accountability rests, by the slightest margin, on the direct report. It’s empowering. This is your project but your manager is going to be there to fully support you.
3. Challenge. This is frequently described as a stretch goal. This is asking someone to go beyond their normal limitations, to stretch or challenge themselves. I was just talking to a friend yesterday about a race that is coming up. There is a half marathon, a 10k, and a 5k. I was vacillating between the 5k and the 10k. He challenged me. “You can do the 10k, Cathy! You’ll be ready in four weeks.” His confidence inspired me to sign up for the longer distance. Challenge those around you.
4. Present. As in, be present. Let go of past and future. If you are thinking about all your failures (i.e. past relationships, weight gain, enemies) and how this isn’t going to work, you are not present. If you are calculating what your spouse is going to do the minute he gets home (i.e. dump the garbage, mow the lawn), you are not present. Marching to your own agenda and maintaining your image is not going to inspire those around you. Tyrant’s live in Paranoia-ville. Stay clear.
Finger pointing. Fall on the sword. It may not be your fault that the dog got sick on the carpet, just clean it up and move on. Your assistant messed up the report? My instructions must have been incomplete. I’ll do better the next time, and so will she. Maybe the process needs to be tweaked. This is not the time to call anyone on the carpet. Casting blame only makes you build walls to your kingdom and breeds distrust.
6. Invest. It takes time, money and resources to build up those around you. There are countless avenues to empower the people in your life. A summer camp session for your kid. Web course for your partner. An excel class for your assistant. Encourage and invest in those around to pursue their passion. They will remember you for your support. They’ll have your back as well.
So here is your Tyrant repellent. Try out one or two and see if you don’t reap the rewards. Be a better leader regardless of your job title.
What do you do to lead others more effectively?