You are angry because your coworker hijacked the project near and dear to your heart. Who do they think they are? One of your favorite singers is a lot heavier since first appearing on American Idol. Geez, put down the Twinkie, will you? Your child needs financial help…again. How many times do I need to bail you out? You blew off that exercise class…again. I’m a lazy, flabby slob.
This is judgment. When you are wrapped up in judgment you cannot love; even yourself. We are taught judgment from a very early age. For me, it was not having an expansive vocabulary (what do you mean you don’t know that word?), not achieving straight A’s or not having the physical prowess of my siblings. I judged myself for not measuring up. This judgment and comparison robbed me of my joy and will rob you of yours. Stop judging.
Here is how to let go of judgment:
Catch yourself. First, you need to be aware that you are judging. It is so easy to fall prey to a constant stream of judgment of yourself and others. How to change it? It starts with awareness. I make an effort to be cognizant of my judgments. When I notice that someone has gained or lost weight or is wearing something I don’t find appropriate, I think to myself, “This is judgment.” I have found myself passing judgment all day long. Whoa. Whether it’s my getting on the scale in the morning to an additional five pounds or rolling my eyes at the screaming kid throwing a tantrum in the grocery store. Hmmm. This is judgment. The first step is to be aware that you are judging and then label it.
Whose path is it? “Don’t compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20.” Anonymous. This is a profound quote for me. I don’t know where you are in your book and I don’t have any idea how many pages have preceded the current chapter. We are all on different journeys. I don’t know if your path has been rocky and straight up hill or if you have been on the couch for the last ten years. Comparison of your path versus someone else will rob you of your joy. Focus on your path. On your happiness. Stay on your path.
Find admiration. I have several friends who are expert yoga instructors. They are in fabulous shape. I could live in jealousy of their expertise and physical prowess and compare my somewhat klutzy self to their elegance. I am so much more at peace and happier when I just admire their expertise and power. Wow. What an amazing dedication of being outstanding at yoga. I admire them and am proud to call them friend. Find admiration for what you think you lack. And get beyond yourself.
Compassion for yourself and others. Let go of the mistakes that you and others have made. Depending on the depth of the wound this may take more time and involve going through rather than around the feeling. I can get wrapped up in what my parents, teachers, spouses and friends should have done differently. In the end, history cannot be rewritten and the regrets that are harbored in your heart help no one, especially yourself. Having compassion for that egotist at work, or your fickle client, or your ex’s addiction is, in the end, freeing. Compassion is finding love for friend or foe. It is holding that special space of love and forgiveness. This compassion starts with yourself and can help you change with others
Thoughts become things. You do get to choose your thoughts. It seems at times that your mind is blasting you with uncontrollable thoughts and judgments. You can choose instead to choose thoughts of love. I have recited affirmations for years to help develop a more positive outlook and results. It is a practice of centering and focusing on happiness and love. I have been following Mike Dooley for years and am subscribed to his Notes from the Universe. Every weekday I receive a message from the Universe helping me push forward on my wonderous path. His tag line is “Thoughts become things, choose the good ones.” This is a powerful message and keeps me mindful of trying to focus on possibility and love rather than blame and judgment.
If you are constantly judging yourself, you don’t have time to love yourself. Take a breath and be ok right now. You will love it.